Dave Barry Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 257. 237. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 3. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Today I was a hero. My cankles will hold me. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 203. Shoot for the moon. Because he was always spotted. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. If only common sense were more common. 17. 43. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". I just go normal from time to time. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 110. 178. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I am lazy till I get a motive. But sometimes affirmations may not work. 91. 27. 163. 244. 181. Im describing you. 161. I can always think of something funny to say. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. 273. Everyone brings happiness to this office. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 186. When life closes a door, just open it again. Confidence makes me powerful. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 92. 213. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. 9. 192. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I tell you what always catches my eye. My mom scolds me for no reason. 269. Take a look! Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 259. Some people are like clouds. 138. 7. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. 166. Some people are like clouds. Why cant you trust an atom? When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 183. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Why was six scared of seven? 82. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 272. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 87. I am here to live to the fullest. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 3. Sincerely, yourself., 2. Enjoy! 95. Who says nothing is impossible? My mind is becoming much sharper. All rights reserved. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Good morning! 122. Enjoy! 12. Emphasis on the cool. 102. Its okay if people dont like me. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Cindy from Marzahn Your actions become your habits. 277. 3. 67. 176. I have a lot to offer. 54. Not a peli-cant. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. "You have to be odd to be number one.". 3. 191. Today I was a hero. 129. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 58. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 13. Never take life seriously. 164. 51. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 209. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 56. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 75. Today is a great day. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Ben Hogan. 234. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 78. 172. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 9. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. They log in. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 161. 48. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. 124. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. 276. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. 156. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? I dont suffer from insanity. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). Your life is your message to the world. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 226. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 222. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 200. At night, I cant fall asleep. I am lazy till I get a motive. I did it! Oh sheet! It is already tomorrow in Australia.". - Roy T. Bennett. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. No, but April may. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 23. 151. Yeah, so is a grenade. 5. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Really? P.D. 48. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. My mistakes dont define me. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. I am strong and getting stronger every day. Nothing, they just waved. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 275. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 122. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 134. I can create positive change in the world. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 3. Mind blown! 106. Words have the power to make or break us. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. - Billie Burke. So far, so good. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. I am intelligent. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". Ive been doing nothing for years. Roy Lichtenstein Wonderwoman: single. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. My jokes do. 14. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 1. 8. 173. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. A wishbone. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. In between, I am alive. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. 175. - Unknown. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. 99. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 187. Milton Berle 1. 63. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 264. 157. Some when they enter, some when they leave. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Bill Murray, 257. 30. 173. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Who cares about the future? My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 201. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I always find something funny in every situation. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 140. 261. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. The only power you have is the word no. Because he was always spotted. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 130. 84. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. The only power you have is the word no. A backbone. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. I am lazy till I get a motive. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 84. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 176. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. All you need is love. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 62. 79. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. 233. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Alison Boulter Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. 221. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. When nothing is going right, go left. 187. But you can always be immature. 224. I create my life on a quantum level. 151. In between, I am alive. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I see food, and I eat it. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. The thing is, I am still getting ready. I draw from my inner strength and light. 277. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I make the right choices every time. The world is missing some pizzazz. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. 7. Go to bed with satisfaction.". 239. Pat Sajak, 41. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 168. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 116. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. When life closes a door, just open it again. We have a connection. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. 239. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Be careful when you follow the masses. 212. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 42. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. 136. I dont care! 74. 27. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15.
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